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G’Bye Ministry of Environment

another beautiful day

Another Beautiful Day

G’Bye Ministry of Environment

“Courage, my friends; ‘tis not too late to build a better world…” 

– Tommy Douglas, MP, Nanaimo – Cowichan – The Islands, 1969-78

With the tar sands a proven polluter, climate change a crises in waiting …according to the World Bank, and floating micro-plastic fragments disrupting our coast’s food chain, one might think it’s time to amp up the Environment Ministry’s resources and determination if we’re to save us all from ourselves.

But I say shut it down. Goodbye Environment Canada, it’s been good to know ya!

Let’s just stop fooling ourselves, admit that it’s weak and ineffectual, and throw that baby out with the bathwater! A bunch of scientists have been fired, cutbacks by 2016 will equal or exceed the $1.4B in subsidies to fossil fuel industries, and pretty much every river and lake is exempt from federal regulation. Why beat a dead horse?

It’s time to thank all those who have worked hard in the Ministry, get rid of those research papers and monitoring documents that cluttered up the government libraries, re-commit another $300 million or so to government advertising – like we’ve spent since 2009 to remind Canadians about how much we love nature, and shut the doors.

I mean it’s the economy, stupid.


There’s lots of land and water out there, too many public-interest groups reading environmental reports and sustainability assessments, and not enough entrepreneurial endeavours to take Canadian’s minds off the larger questions in life. We need to get our priorities straight, invest in profitable ventures, and let the future take care of itself.

Big business will look after our needs, and the market will respond accordingly. Bottled water is good for you, greenhouse gas emissions will make us all warmer, and we’ll adapt. As we always have.

It’s time to stop all this negative boomer doomer talk, embrace our bottom-line instincts, make way for the strongest among us, and welcome one and all into the great and powerful twenty-first century!

We don’t like taxes and we don’t want big government, so let’s focus on win-wins to be had. Like savings of $2.6 billion from some simple workforce adjustments, like cutting 5,064 jobs in 10 science-based federal departments. And like $100M annually saved by cuts to the Department of Fisheries and Oceans, ridding ourselves of the burdens of red-tape and oversight, for example.

Good-bye to endless patrols of illegal fishing, so long to scientific research that promotes conservation, or protection of biodiversity and endangered species. And let’s let industry decide if their outfalls and resource extraction activities might add even a miniscule drop in the water to coastal pollution. The GNP will benefit by toxic chemical clean-ups, remediation and rehabilitation, and there’s really nothing to worry about anyways. Nobody wants to wreck the world we all share.

Evidence-based policy decisions by the experts will just have to give way to good old common sense, back-of-the-envelope inner-circle Cabinet preferences and lobbyists.

We don’t want to be a credit risk and lose our triple AAA rating so let’s privatize, sell off government assets, trust our responsible resource sector and development interests to set the standards, and wait for the multi-nationals to come knocking at our door.

Why dwell on the negative when the sun will come up just like it always does? A new day’s dawning, and we’re coming of age in a brave new world of our own making.

And this is just the beginning my friends …think what we can save when we shut down the Ministry of Health! Tommy Douglas would be proud!!

Laurie Gourlay has worked with environmental groups for thirty-odd years, farms bee-jeezus big-profit agriculture products with as many chemies and pesticides as he can get his hands on, then labels it organic, and with life-partner coal-baron wannabee Jackie Moad, counts his pennies and good fortune whilst selling tobacco futures and running Thistle Consulting Services – seeking local solutions to global challenges, naturally!



About the author: Laurie Gourlay

Laurie loves organic farming.

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